today was good. yesterday was snowing, and so cold i couldn't leave my house and today was so hot i couldn't even cool off with the window open. weird. i bought some spray paint to fix the casing of my new dear pet laptop. found a mean cat sticker to cover the paint and listened to my jukebox of mp3s in the sun. packed up my old one to send to my little brother simultaneous with his sending me an email hinting that he would love it. he doesn't know i got a new one and i haven't talked to him in months, but good thing it's his birthday soon. packed my bag for tokyo/thailand. watched an old movie on the birdman of alcatraz. enjoyed.
|i was in this horse riding group, which is now being discussed on my tv, in my youth
watched a documentary
of jon benet ramsey which got me a little creeped out about
boulder, as it happened right behind me. boulder has a rather
queer infatuation with murder mysteries. i know of several
stray lasses who found themselves in doom filled circumstances
in the canyons and hills around here. it's like hollywood
with the priveleged stares of disdain flying around all over
the place...but really, it does seem like the dark side of
boulder has left. it's a bunch of smiley, rich, white normal
people now, none of them spout poetry and play drums (scary!),
and all of them have cars..... except the other (boy) on the
bus whom i flaunted my new iPod at flirtily. (if i ain't got
nothing else at least i have my music).
apparently the rumor is still flying around that i initiated the drug bust on ko chang in thailand in october of last year. i am flattered that people think i have that much influence, and astounded at how stupid the insinuation is, seeing as how i am quite a vocal proponent of marijuana (and it's legalization), as well as having practically lived at said venue (why would i make my favorite hangout a target?)...heh heh... i suppose it doesn't occur to anyone that if a place sells drugs openly on land which the fanatically anti-drugs prime minister has taken a great interest in possessing and controlling that they should be prepared to get their arses busted... i am just an easy scapegoat as they do not want to lose face. ah well. who really cares what people think- the thais that know me know better now and that's all that counts to me.
off to thailand via tokyo soon. gotta get my fix.
well... it's safe to say i completely slacked this month...
these dates aren't quite right. really i just got hopelessly
bored with my journal. i know this is a slightly wimpy update,
but it's all you get. i had fun on my little sanity trip whether
you know about it or not. :) ---
left my camera in a taxi in ikebukuro
when i went
to fetch a drunken 'x'
to the room...but he
did manage to snap
, including these
that i stole.
[though my server is being mean to me so you
may not see all the pictures right away]
in the midst
of blubbering stagnation i hopped a plane to ASIA (5/6 or
thereabouts). not quite yet unwound i dropped into tokyo
with a wild tickle in my spine & eyes popping out from
lack of sleep (+ an overdose of bad movies + very uncomfortable
plane seats). 'x'...
looks the same as usual. we braved the narita express
which i hadn't recalled being the two hour ride it very much
was, from the airport... not full of suited scowling salarymen
this time but instead of chronic smokers with chronic coughs
pointed loudly in our direction. the miniature organized suburban
scenery (occasionally dotted with sprawls of flooded rice
paddies and people in pointed rice hats) stopped being interesting
about halfway there, and 'x' yawned fuzzily behind his 4-xanax
binge doze. we arrived in ikebukuro
, which (yay!)
felt homey and almost amsterdam-magical with its cobbled streets,
alphabet block sex shops, dopey grinned students, dark foreign
weirdos from somewhere deep in africa (lurking), shiny pastel
signs, happy traffic... the bikes weren't locked up and those
that weren't parked were ridden by disheveled office workers
or carelessly hip quiet kids... sigh... i love it there. hotel
was great. we sealed ourselves up in a tiny
elevator sardine can and patted the beer machine on the way
to our meticulously neat and happily tiny room. i played with
the toilet for a bit (i decided i prefer "stream" to "bidet").
turned on japanimation on the tv. wiggled on the small bed
and buried my hands under the thick comforter. the shower
in the deep tall tub felt a little too short, and i bumped
my elbows on the plastic wall. hopped out to get dressed up
and hit tokyo. it was splendid, tomodachi.
the subway sang happily and twinkled with illegible signs,
and 'x' marvelled at the cartoonish plump schoolgirls in
uniform. we tiptoed through a darkened harajuku
district, where at the spiral cafe
(and art gallery) taka(!!!) looked serene and refined behind
his bar. he was really surprised to see me (or as much as
he gets). (& he looked beautiful again in his black tie
getup). 'x' and i giggled at him idiotically (rather slap
happy in fact)...while we sipped japanese beer- i got something
light i always forget the name of, he got a beautiful pyramid
glass turned upside down of sweet porter ...which we also
forgot the name of unfortunately. had to escape a bit down
alleys to look for las chicas
(foreigner cafe). but failing to be let in by a french bully
we slumped to scarf down japanese-ised mexican food instead
(not recommended)... tried to teach sign language to the japanese
waiter in an effort to communicate. 'x' was by that time
drunk from the xanax, alcohol, and jet lag. we staggered back
to collect taka from his bar and hailed a taxi to roppongi
roppongi is... some would say cheesy. it is filled of chains
and tourists. we went into an average dark upstairs bar (um,
that would be gas panic
, which we'd looked forward
to for a while darnit) playing hip hop to a group of rather
startlingly whorish japanese girls clinging to white boys
with gel in their hair. argh. stayed only for a short time,
with my trying to dodge gazes of hopeful japanese boys in
wifebeaters, and trying to scoot closer to taka balancing
next to me on the metal bars that were posing as a bench.
sigh. 'x' desperately paid for 3 more drinks and we gulped
them down and left. wandered worriedly down the street seeking
a place that didn't suck, when taka pulled us up some stairs
to a small dark bar filled with... the same roppongi people...
but with friendly gay bartenders and good beer. we squeezed
through the dancing girls to the bar and drank, smiling at
each other in the din, musing at the surprisingly uninhibited
inebriation of the surrounding mini-skirted gals. finally
'x' hopped up, eyes twirling, said he had to go RIGHT NOW,
and dragged taka and i regretfully out the doors with the
remainder of our beers sloshing. we hailed a taxi (for a measly
$60)- that is, after we retrieved puppydog 'x' who was frolicking
with his camera near the fake eiffel tower- and drove speedily
through the streets to ikebukuro
(cire had to vomit
and i had to pee). hallucinating in fact by the extraordinary
level at which i had to pee, i jumped out while the car was
still moving, threw some yen at taka, grabbed cire's hand
and ran to the hotel room. in the process leaving my precious
digital camera on the seat, never to be seen again. :( taka
followed confusedly. i left 'x' in our room wretching and
dreaming on the dark bed and snaked back downstairs to taka.
taka and i love each other. sort of. we have a good time in
each other's company, when no one else is there. i just like
to flutter at him, push his hair out of his eyes, probably
moon stupidly over him while we talk about everything as best
we can despite our differences in language. los cabos
is cozy in the basement with the cute caballero bartenders,
a big screen playing old movies, and tall chairs on which
to scoot closer....we talked (as we do) til early morning.
.....and the next day checked out at a very unfair 10 am and
lined it to harajuku
in the sun-
a parade of fashion that should shame every american, and
which made me feel insecure and normal. girls with parasols,
miniskirts, legwarmers, fuck-me pumps (all together). boys
with animal print, leather, and spiky hair. what a cute place
it is. it even has it's own little harder edge... not to mention
great shops with japanese kitsch such as astro boy
toys and the ubiquitous hello kitty
. yummy eye candy
at every turn.
...boring this time, felt like san francisco.
a typical shopping district that has moved on. but i did get
to take a picture of the statue of the dog who waited patiently
on the streetcorner for its owner until he died.
....and suddenly, the narita express
the lights and the strange awkward quietness and peace of
bangkok this time was dangerous (death
threats from certain deluded past acquaintances), hot, sticky,
lonely and fuzzyheaded from jet lag. 'x'
and i parted in a cab after a barely remembered trip from
the airport to sukhumwit. i stayed at the residence
rajtaevee, which i have seen before and has great rooms-
except for the one they put me in. but it made up for itself
with a spa downstairs and at least one cable channel and free
wine and fruit. ahhhhh. scattered relaxation. shivering in
the bathtub. staring at the wall of the building next to me.
i groaned myself to sleep on the hard bed with thai news blaring
in the background.
in the smog, traffic, heat, noise. it's beautiful. i lose
myself amongst the earnest thai faces and feel one with the
smoky stall-littered sidewalk dwellers. i get stuck at the
pirated movies counter- several thai boys wanting to touch
my hair, practice english, talk about sex... they were a cute
diversion though sort of annoying. i was happy to learn i
can still speak basic thai. (mai ow boom boom, kha
i bought kill bill 2
, the last samurai
and some porn (for ot :) ) for about $15.
back to a very private lunch in a serene dining room filled
with buddhist relics and flowing water. and a cute shy waiter
boy who told me with wide-eyed awe that new york is "cool".
my lunch was exquisite- tom yam
, fish, vegetables,
rice, wine....fruit....sleepy....but not too sleepy for my
spa appointment! i padded downstairs in my slippers and slipped
behind the smoky glass doors. two thai women in impeccable
robes gave me a pile of fresh pajamas and some towels. led
me to the cool bathroom of blue tiles and stone. left me with
fruit and tea to play musical chairs from the warm jacuzzi
to the sunny fog of the steamroom with it's glass tiles to
the crackling cedar sauna. followed by the most blissful 2
1/2 hour massage (in the dark) i have ever had in my life.
(i will surely have to marry a masseuse someday).
next morning early i dragged my bags to the sleazy, predominantly
arab grace hotel
to meet cire. we hailed a taxi to the sexpat capitol of
and relaxed on the 2 1/2 hour highway trip
out of the gray city to the green suburbs..
is gorgeous. jammed with lush, tropical flora with
singing birds, frogs, and insects and complemented by a luxurious
blue pool (with a bar), and excellent room service. i felt
in utopia despite weakness and jet lag (and a little guilt
for not inviting ot). i napped for a bit in my cool room,
dreaming of the fashion tv in the background, until 'x' rang
me up from his room to go out on the town. he was still sick...
perhaps a long hangover from tokyo, perhaps something legitimate,
but not too sick to take me speeding on a motorbike down the
umbrella- and palm tree-lined beach road 1
. we downed daiquiris at the mexican place and
headed straight through the throngs of ladyboys and urchin
flower-sellers to the go gos.
go go 1 (name forgotten). full of american navy boys, at which
point i realized they were docked in town. 'x' and i pouted
at the whitebread eagerness & mused at the fact that our
government apparently both approves of and foots the bill
for the sexual enslavement of thai girls. a couple of the
navy brats were very butch girls, sleeves rolled up to expose
massive biceps. (ewwww.) i dodged their eyes on a quick trip
to the bathroom after having downed too many singhas
too quickly. i focused instead on the crowd of half dressed
brown skinned girls fighting for mirror space at which to
touch up their makeup. not much to see- typical pattaya girls
(out of all girls in the trade these are the harder edged)
with canine faces, hot pants, and too much makeup.
the next bar was more interesting. it had more of a family
appeal. there were several thai families there in fact (???)
there was a stage with moulin-rouge-esque shows- choreographed
dancing with flourescent paint and costumes. one blonde(?)
girl stole the show with her exotic slanted eyes and catty
untouchable air. she rubbed cubes of ice between her legs
and then fed them to stubbled audience members.
it was cire's birthday (which i had mostly forgotten), and
we headed to his "girlfriend" j's bar. i was distracted by
the show- a small girl with huge, rounded, perfect breasts
(even i was impressed) slicked with some sort of shiny latex,
slithering around in a mess of soapy bubbles with two or three
other girls, much to the delight of the navy audience. apparently
(according to the sexy mamasan, a friend of cire's) j had
a surprise planned for him for his birthday. minutes later
j bounded out and (after a slight hesitation) threw herself
at cire. she told him to stay put while she went to get his
surprise together. 'x' in turn sort of flipped out. with
irrational fears of being pulled up on stage, stripped, and
humiliated, he grabbed my arm and pulled me running out of
the bar, never to return.
perhaps it was karma that followed, but 'x' became pretty
ill, and i was fighting it off too. oh well, an excuse to
lay by the pool in the sun and sip fruit shakes. did that
quite a bit. visited the little mall. perused stalls of thai
silks and jewelry and ate somtam
and fish for breakfast.
'x' was grouchy because he was sick, so more fashion tv for
me until our seafood dinner on the waterfront that i made
'x' sneak down walking street
to eat (surrounded
by overattentive thai kids).
more go go's later.... they start to blend in with each other
after awhile. once pleasantly drunk (it is vacation), 'x'
pretended to be interested in a room for the night at the
so he could give me the tour. this
must be the coolest hotel in the world- a hole in the wall
on one of the go go sois, it has cameras in each room filming
and displaying the dancing girls downstairs, has hot tubs,
love swings, stages with poles, big 4-poster beds with teddy
bears and handcuffs on the posts, lots of mirrors, dvd players,
stereos, tvs, refrigerators, balconies, and a stockpile of
snacks and liquor in each room. the hallways are decorated
with thai kitsch (mostly buddhist, ironically). it even had
a waterfall downstairs. RECOMMENDED! i was so jealous of the
people paying $2500 baht to stay there.
unable to leave without sampling one 'x' irritably dragged
me protesting into a boy show in the appropriately named boyz
. hmmm. i might as well get used to the fact that
the boy shows are gay :(. there were a few geriatric patrons
squinting with their hearing aids at slim young men in tight
pants and no shirts (you wanna sh-uck me sh-onny? khao
). some normal rejects, and a couple of lesbians
roamed for good measure. we drank amiably in front of the
shows- a lovely ladyboy Diva surrounded herself with boy-slaves,
a cowboys and indians shoot out occured (half naked), a jungle
show where the boys embarrassed us all by mimicking monkeys
who screeched and picked bugs out of our hair... and the grand
finale- synchronized swimming (naked) in the wall-sized aquarium.
we raised a couple of eyebrows on the way out, nodded a last
fond goodbye to the land of fantasy spread out in lights,
and sped home on the wobbling motorbike for one last night
of lush loma
tok's hut on the hill. you have to climb
up to get to it. surrounded by shrubbery and pacing
dogs, it is quiet at night and has a slow breeze. i relax.
good breakfast. fun first night with nerdy thai musician guy
tossing baht for free drinks at naga's-
though disappointed otherwise in the conversation material.
twiddle my thumbs under the velvet lined stars with the tide
lapping nearly at my feet. watch a limber thai boy throw firesticks.
same music as always, sigh....sleep late, flounder. rain.
no electricity. awkward darkness with a crowd of stylin' euro
kids. screened bootleg movies. mosquitos. rude thais. called
ot to come. he verbally shrugged. second night... gave up
and went to sleep. kept on sleeping til it was time to leave.
left in the deserted morning feeling like ko samet has some
bad karma with me or something and having not enjoyed my candles
and float. lost 2000 baht on the way to the boat. felt grumpy.
again disgusted by ko samet (see nov. 2003), i took the
ferry (shiver, xanax time) to the rattletrap taxi full of
curious thai people to the bus to bangkok. thoroughly unsure
whether or not i wanted to see ot, i floundered in my cool
hotel (woraburi on suk soi 4) and drank
half my minibar in twenty minutes. took a cold shower. finally
decided i would go to khao san rd. and grabbed a taxi. i
secretly hoped i would run (preferably smack-dab) into mido
(you don't know him but i want him) and would avoid sweet
ot. walked hesitantly down khao san, which has been recently
renovated into a true walking street with stone cobbles,
and has a few more annoying yuppified bars, but remains
otherwise unchanged. immediately saw mr. kool in his too-short
cutoffs. "check it out!" -ugh. i allowed him to give me
a neck and back massage on the street (it's free). he begged
to take me back to his room and "open my emotions" but i
politely declined. ran the rest of the way through the street
and past the banglamphu market to a quiet 7-11
to call otto.
ot showed up sweating and breathing hard (he had run) and
looking outdated but cheerful. i wanted to fix him up a
bit (in some ways he is clueless) but i like him. we swatted
shyly at each other over yang
he finally grabbed my hand and dragged me to adhere
, my favorite blues room in banglamphu
i nodded to the crowd, which i recognized, and fended off
roses and kisses and candy as i watched georgia flip her
hair and sing low. got a bit tipsy. finally i tiptoed with
ot past the dark squeaky gate and the chirping cages to
our old (his current) place. it is now a very buddhist room
with a new vcd player and speakers. he played me some videos.
i was suspicious of his ability to take care of himself.
he had stocked the refrigerator with sweets and propped
up old pictures of us to make me feel special, and was in
general trying hard to impress me. so. well. nevertheless
we had rather stiff (terrified) sex under the fan. smoked.
had some cold showers. sigh....i shrugged and fell asleep
at 2 am... fuzzily woke at 7am and dragged a blinking ot
with me (in a maniacal taxi) back to my own darkened air-conditioned
(& cable and minibar-having) room.
sex about 80 more times, somtam and chicken, taxi to MBK
for a movie ('troy'). we hold hands. we cab it back to khao
san to kin khao
with the tarot man. tarot man was
crazy. ot thought he was brilliant because he spoke so much
english, i had to break his heart by telling him the guy made
no sense at all. but he is ot's current best friend, and he
likes edgar allen poe and ...his kids. bored. and then mido
passed on the street with his sidekick, da. a day or so late.
both muscled and gorgeous and walking to mido's new car to
leave town. sigh. some things you are just meant to lose.
i eye him for longer than is comfortable (on purpose), he
smiled knowingly at me, and i sighed some more.... more lounging
in room. thinking about mido, but enjoying my day with ot
too....slurped cuey tio.
watched bad movies.
ot and i would be nothing without our gluttonous pleasures.
most of what i remember is food (and the rest is sex!)...
we ate at our favorite tom yam
stall in banglamphu
at some point we went to an upstairs restaurant between the
river and thammasat
can't remember the name but any thai kid probably knows it.
really excellent thai food (crispy fish and salad) and cold
. later to sanam lung
where by coincidence we ran into ot's (very rich) cousins
neng and dao. and a painted, long nailed japanese girl who
entranced everyone at the table. once we'd dropped her off
at work we all drove aimlessly, finally ending up in the chatuchak
district, where we ate yum naam
and roasted nuts
as we watched a boy band playing. neng informed me i was probably
in big trouble by being in thailand, according to some. i
joked around with dao. ot made puppydog eyes at me all night....
blurrrrr.... talked a bit when we hit the bed...
and suddenly(!) my alarm was ringing and i cuddled closer
to ot for another 15 minutes , kissed him at 3am... and was
|(back to) BOULDER
denver is brown
boredom (after lush delicious asia), though boulder is nice
(if you don't pay any attention to the people). personally
i would rather not be in either right now. i came back in
time just to give my job 2 weeks' notice. i am sure they loved
that. but excellent 'x'
has helped me to acquire a job at x
, with him. not that i wasn't qualified. they agreed
to match my current salary and i start on the 7th. phew! back
spent the next days saying goodbye to friends. first chris
(with an hour long drink in denver's warehouse district),
then my old friend x, FINE! i had to censor this part for that friend...but anyhoo, jane was next. we
drink a lot and smoke cigarettes. she shows off her tattoos
and wears rockabilly girl clothes. we twittered stupidly in
the booth together with a jukebox morcheeba
got bored of that. i coincidentally opened my westword
magazine to find that the suicide girls'
show i have been wanting to see was playing, that night, at
the hard rock cafe. (oh, this was asking for it! jane and
i would live up to our reputation with each other!) we stumbled
into a cab with a friendly mexican driver to the bar. i threw
some money at the blurry guards at the door and jane sloshed
back from the bar. we cleared a space on the floor to watch
the show. a black garage punk band was good, and an "indie"
group of idiots from oregon made some horrid noise until they
got kicked off the stage. jane found us a spot on top of the
booth 3 chubby punk-like guys were seated in. i immediately
poured my entire beer on the one closest to me. they frowned
at us the rest of the night. jane was drunk and flicked her
cigarettes on everyone else. finally, dancing precariously
on the ledge of the booth, we squinted at the pin up girls
who slinked across the stage- or the floor as the case may
be (which made it seem so much like a dogfight i felt weird).
jane and i leaned on each other out the door and hugged each
other before her bouncy boyfriend led her off to his waiting
car, and that's the last i saw of her. i made my last drunken
trip on the (long, dark) bus back to boulder in the quiet
night, and for once didn't have to pee the whole time....
goodbye to my much loved pals.
other than that, my old home boulder is sending me away again,
it's finished showing me whatever i was supposed to be shown
here. i jokingly say to my friends that i have a new life
every six months but in fact it's true. i wander through the
creek festival in the sun, pushing yuppie moms pushing strollers
and wearing nonprofit t-shirts. kids with big happy dogs.
nerdy activists who thrust pamphlets filled with pictures
of animal slaughters (pro vegan) in my face. teens with stubborn
chins, dyed hair, and too much eye makeup. smiling, wholesome
guys with bikes and short little brother hair.... i bask in
the last few days of abundant nature available to me and spend
the evenings playing a french lounge cd and burning nag champa
in front of my computer. i eat all my favorite boulder food while i pack.
& off to NYC...